Written by: koi-san ♥ she
“what is the purpose of your visit?”
“im here to visit a friend I havent seen for a long time.”
“well, I do hope your trip turns out good. welcome to singapore.”
and with that, the customs officer stamped my passport, handed it back to me and let me through. I walked out of the airport, my duffel bag slung over my shoulder, and looked around taking in the environment. a bit noisy, but it was nice. I hailed a taxicab and gave the driver my hotel’s address. we sped of, and all throughout the drive I had just one thought: im seeing her again. damn it’s been so long. too long.
I met her cousin a few years before I met her, myka being my cousin’s girlfriend at that time. they invited me over, saying that it’s been quite a while since they last saw me. so there we were at myka’s place, drinking couple of beers, watching a movie on hbo when she arrived. boy I was dumbstruck. she had the most beautiful eyes I have ever gazed into. you know that feeling when you look into someone’s eyes and you get sucked in? I almost didnt come out. I stared at her, not even noticing that all three of them were staring at me. she was smiling, and what’s more she too was frozen in time.
after what seemed like hours of staring at each other I stood and held out my hand to her. that was when something went splash! I tipped the contents of my glass all over me crotch. they all laughed, and I laughed with them.
“hi im tris..”
that was how we met. after that we started hanging out, and got to know each other more. not a day passed by then that we didnt talk, chat or even text each other. a few weeks later we were already dating, started to get intimate. it wasnt long after that I knew that I love her.
“we’re here mister.”
I was jolted back to the taxicab. I looked out and saw the hotel. I paid the driver, got off and went inside the hotel. after confirming my reservation, the concierge gave me my room key and I went up. i still have few more hours before I go see her, so after taking out some clothes and hanging them in the closet I decided to take a nap.
at 8am I got up, and ordered some toasts and a coffee. I took off my travel clothes, went to the bathroom and took a bath. I was wrapping the terry clothe around me when breakfast arrived. I sat down and checkdd some emails on my laptop while I ate. I finished my breakfast and went on preparing to meet her. I went down a few floors, went down to her suite. a few minutes later Im standing at her door with my hand ready to knock. this is it, I thought. I knocked, and after a minute the door opened with a gasp. I stood there dazed with the sight in front of me. god, she’s beautiful, so beautiful I couldnt help but get teary eyed.
“hi,” I said.
“tris,” she choked, and started to cry.
we stood there crying, crying for the days apart. we cried til our throats were hoarse, cried til our hearts ran dry. we stayed liked that for what seemed like hours, sobbing, murmuring endearments to each other, both with no intention of letting each other go. when finally we drew apart, it was to find each other’s lips and lock them in a kiss long craved for, a kiss that said what words failed to express. a kiss that we didnt want to end.
but it had to. I gave her one more lingering kiss then broke it off.
“youre makeup’s all messed up..”
she tried to laugh, but instead let out a pained whimper. “oh tris..”
“hey, hey. wag ka na umiyak, princess. im here.”
“im sorry. im so sorry tris..”
“i know babe, and im sorry too. but we’ve been sorry for a lot of things. let’s not be sorry for this.”
“oh tris..baby im so sorry..”
“wag ka ganyan babe..dont make this any harder than it is..we both knew this is going to happen, and i dont want us having any regrets about it..”
“but we didnt know that we’d love each other so much..we didnt know it would hurt this much..”
“princess..its better this way..you know that..”
“I love you my toktan..ill never love someone the way I love you..”
“and I love you, my princess, I love you so much..and I want you to be happy..”
tears welled up in her eyes again.
“if only..if only things were diferent..so much different..”
“but they’re not, princess..we can wish it to be otherwise, but what good will that do us? it will just break us..it is painful, but we must bear it–”
I choked at my words. if I go on with this ill lose my resolve. maybe I shouldnt have done this. maybe I shouldnt have seen her. then I wouldnt have to do what I was supposed to do. but I have to. I have to be strong, for both of us. I pulled out our embrace, looked at her and forced a smile. she looked at me with tears and a dawning realization in her eyes.
“so..this is it, is it?”
I wiped the tears from her cheeks.
“i love you so much, princess..so much that I have to let go..we have to let go..”
“i love you too, toktan..im sorry..”
I took one last look at her, drinking her in, imprinting her in my mind, and walked away. I heard her slump down and cry, but I stopped myself from turning back and taking her in my arms. I steeled myself and walked on until I reached the elevator. when the doors closed I too slumped and cried. just a few hours more, I told myself, annd it will be over. so when I reached the lobby I wiped my tears and headed straight to the stevedore hall. I took out an envelopr from my suit’s breast pocket and presented it to the man outside the hall’s doors and went in. I chose a seat near those doors and sat.
after about an hour the hall had filled with guests and created a humming sort of noise. I was thankful for it, as it took my mind of other things. when after a few minutes it quieted down the music started playing. I looked at the aisle saw the littlr girls laying petals on the aisle. theni raised my eyes,and everyone else did the same, all awestruck. she was so beautiful, like a goddess with her hair caught up in a bun and in that white wedding gown. so beautiful that it stung my eyes and had to look away, but I cant. I have to endure.
they reached the altar, her uncle giving her away with tears. then she joined the man waiting for her. again my tears threatened to burst.
the music stopped, and on cue the ceremony went on, all throughout it with tears in my eyes. I heard the pastor ask the groom if he will take my princess as his wife and heard him say I do. when it was her turn I had to stop myself from shaking. I looked at her and there were tears in her eyes, then said I do.
”twas autumn that I spent
living my life before we met
then your smile came along
and said my heart was all alone.
what a pang it had felt
tore the vines I had kept
found the key to the grate
and to stir me where I slept.
with a voice you bade me ‘wake!
spring is come as we spake’
and with jubilance of a boy
my heart leapt with peals of joy.
the leaves gave bloom
and scents filled that room
we kept our fates to nurture,
our hearts for our summer.
but winter came a day too soon
and clouds covered our lover’s moon.
it said although we crave forever,
it was not ours, not now, not ever.
now autumn wraps my days in gloom
our flowers whither, not one abloom.
but though tis dark, no clouds asunder,
in my heart I have you, my summer.”
never have I planned to meet you that day. never have I intended to fall so hard. but these things happened, and they happened without fail. I have loved you ever since the day my heart set its gaze on you. and I love you still. but it was not meant to be. it was never meant to be. so with this I wish you happiness, and tell you that I love you so much, my princess. goodbye.